More than 80 years ago, the Austrian neurologist and psychologist Viktor Frankl wrote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” This has to be one of my favorite quotes of all time, especially when applied to leadership.
Leaders face numerous stimuli on a daily basis, starting from macro events such as dealing with Covid-19 and major organizational crises, to micro events such as interacting with colleagues in a staff meeting. We have all worked with leaders (or maybe one ourselves) who have no space whatsoever between any event or provocation and their response to it: the default mode is immediate reaction, with no awareness or intentionality.
One of the executives that I coach once told me about a leader that he worked with- let’s call him Andy. One day, at a staff meeting, one of Andy’s team members reported back some below-par patient satisfaction results. Andy’s face suddenly turned red. He clinched his fists and started to sweat. Without any warning, he exploded in screaming at the team member and berating her for her “horrible” scores. His attack lasted for five full minutes and included personal insults and several f-bombs directed at every member of the team!
Experts refer to these emotional responses as amygdala hijacks. The amygdala is an almond-shaped mass at the base of the brain, behind the eyes. It controls our emotions, but when it senses a threat, it takes over and shuts down the neo-cortex, which is the rational part of the brain. The research shows that employees reporting to leaders like Andy who consistently blow up under pressure tend to have lower morale, are more likely to miss deadlines, budgets, & quality standards, and tend to act in ways that drive customers away. When leaders buckle under pressure, it doesn’t just hurt their influence, it also hurts their teams’ performance.
As human beings, when something feels dangerous or threatening, we react in a primitive way under the influence of our amygdala. While we can’t stop our triggers, we can be more mindful of them. So what can leaders do to build more space and intentionality?
1. Identify your triggers and name them: What interactions or behaviors tend to trigger you? For some people it is when their boss is dismissive. For others it is when their direct reports don’t listen. Observe yourself so you can know what upsets you.
2. Learn to recognize the physical feeling that comes with the trigger. Where do you feel it: Does your heart rate speed up? Do you feel a tension in your stomach? Or is it a sudden onset of nausea? Pay attention next time you are about to lose your cool to these physical feelings.
3. Learn to recognize your emotional response: How do you behave: Do you fight back, argue, talk faster, refuse to listen, disengage or send a raging e-mail?
4. Learn to pause: Pausing activates the parasympathetic system- it slows down the heart rate, lowers the blood pressure, releases mood-elevating hormones and returns the body to a relaxed state. Our neocortex can reengage, our range of awareness expands, and our capacity to think is regained.
There are different techniques to pause, especially if you hear bad news or are suddenly attacked during a meeting. Make sure you chose the ones that works for you:
- Breathe deeply, exhale fully
- Ground yourself by feeling your feet on floor or chair holding you
- Uncross your arms and drop your shoulders
- Relax your face
- Take notes
- Say “Tell me more”
- Smile and make eye contact
Being mindful allows us to have a one-second gap between the inputs to our minds (our surroundings, emotions, and thoughts) and the output which is our actions. For leaders, it may be the difference between lashing out at a team member and using the opportunity as a learning moment. This space between stimulus and response is the difference between an autopilot reaction and a mindful strategy that leads to a conscious response.
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Dr. Amer Kaissi is Leadership Keynote Speaker.
