A student walks in to my office. She has a question about yesterday’s class session on market analysis. “I didn’t really get all that Porter stuff,” she observes. I proceed to explain the five forces of market competitive intensity according to Michael Porter’s framework. She asks a couple of additional clarification questions, I provide a few examples, she thanks me and off she goes. In this situation, I am wearing my helping hat of teaching.
A junior faculty member asks me to have a cup of coffee with him so he can “pick my brains.” He has to submit his promotion and tenure application in three years, but he isn’t sure if he is doing enough to get through. I ask him about his research and his teaching, and I then I proceed to give him some advice based on my experience and opinion: he should focus on having an independent stream of research where he is leading the work, and he should get more regular feedback from his students. He appreciates the advice and thanks me. In this situation, I am wearing my helping hat of mentoring.
A leader in a large hospital system reaches out to me. She was recently promoted into an executive position. The job is exciting and rewarding, but she is worried that she is not confident enough, especially in large meetings with other executives. Over the course of the next three months, we meet regularly and I ask her questions such as “Why do you think you are feeling that way?”, “what have you tried in the past that have worked for you?” and “how do you want to move forward?” She has all the answers herself, she just needs my help to help her better think about her situation and organize her thoughts. We put a plan in place and she implements it with focus and accountability. In this situation, I am wearing my helping hat of coaching.
When we are engaged in helping conversation with others, we often wear the three hats of teaching, mentoring and coaching. Teaching is about instructing or imparting our knowledge or skills on others- it can be done by anyone else who knows the materials in more or less the same way. Mentoring is about giving advice and opinion that no one else can give because it is based on our own personal experiences- It is more personal than teaching. Coaching is about helping others solve their own problems. You transition from the “sage on the stage to the guide on the side,” as Dr. Robert Hicks suggests in his great book “Coaching as a Leadership Style.” While statements are the language of teaching and mentoring, questions are the language of coaching.
Hicks defines coaching as “the process of facilitating self-determined and self-directed problem-solving or change within the context of a helping conversation.” In that sense, coaching is – in the spirit of Socrates- inquiry-based. Socrates insisted that he was not a teacher or a mentor, but rather a “midwife”- “someone who did not transmit knowledge to his companions but, through critical, self-examining dialogue, helped them labor successfully to find the answers they sought.”
As a leader, you will find people coming to you with questions, problems, and challenges. It is important that you determine which situations will require you to put on your teaching, mentoring or coaching hat. You can teach an emerging leader about the proper way of doing a performance evaluation. You can mentor a young resident considering various job options and provide your opinion about which position you think would be the best for her. And you can coach, in a quick 20-minute conversation, a middle manager about how to get the best out of his subordinates by asking him a few questions and helping him find the solutions on his own. If you were to teach him or mentor him in this situation, he is probably less likely to listen and change.
Putting it All Together
When others come to us with questions, problems, and challenges, we engage in helping conversation with them. In these conversations, we often put on the three hats of teaching, mentoring and coaching. But we should make sure that we are wearing the right hat for the right situation to maximize the benefits of these conversations.
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Dr. Amer Kaissi is a Professional Speaker, Executive Coach and an expert on Leadership, Humility & Ambition, Assuming Positive Intent, Psychological Safety & Accountability, Growth Mindsets & Resilience.
