Welcome to the Monthly Newsletter by Amer Kaissi 

Edition #18, May 2021

You are asked to lead a new taskforce but you are already over-committed. Your boss wants you to come in on the weekend but you have already scheduled a get-away trip with your family. You are invited to serve as a judge for a local college case competition but it coincides with major project deadlines. What’s in common between these situations is that you know deep inside that you should say no, but you can’t bring yourself to do it.

In coaching busy executives over the years, I have noticed that “saying no” is something that many struggle with. In “The Power of a Positive No”, William Ury provides practical advice on how to say no when we have to, without damaging the relationship with the other. He suggests that saying no is a three-step process: It starts with yes, then no, and then yes.

The first yes is an internal yes to yourself, to your own interests and values. You need to remind yourself to say yes to your other commitments, to your work-life alignment, and to your sanity. The second step is to communicate the positive no to the other party. Please note that it is a no to the specific task and not to the relationship. For example, you may say: “How thoughtful of you to consider me for the taskforce. I’m honored to be asked. However, I have a policy to not take on a major task unless I know I can dedicate 100% energy to it, and therefore I have to respectfully decline.” And finally, if appropriate, you say an external yes to a future arrangement that you propose to them. For example, you may suggest: “I am happy to take a look at the final recommendations that the taskforce comes up with and provide some input if that is valuable.”

This book is not a new one, but I’m happy I came across it and I highly recommend it for all leaders who want to get over their fear of saying no.

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Dr. Amer Kaissi is a Top Leadership Keynote Speaker. He speaks about leadership, teams and culture.