The Golden Rule “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is ingrained in our brains ever since we were school children. Many of us pass it to our own children as we try to teach them how to handle situations with others: “Why did you take the truck from little Johnny? You wouldn’t like someone bigger than you to come and snatch your toys, right?” In that sense, the rule is an important reminder to our children and to ourselves that we should treat others with the same care and respect that we expect from them.
However, when the Golden Rule is applied in the workplace, especially by top leaders, it can often result in negative consequences. Take the example of a certain CEO who enjoys flexibility and is very comfortable with continuous change. She prefers minimum routines, likes to constantly adjust the rules, and works better with guidelines rather than instructions. When working with her executive team, she makes the (incorrect) assumption that they like to be treated the same way she does. Rather than specifically explaining her expectations to them, she provides some general parameters and tells them to “run with it.” In her mind, she is being a great leader by applying the Golden Rule- she is giving them what she enjoys getting herself, and assuming that they would love it too.
If her executive team is made of clones that think like her and have similar needs to her, that approach would work perfectly. However, chances are that many executives working with her may have different, if not diametrically opposed preferences and needs. They might prefer orders and systems, consistency, and clear and detailed instructions. When their leader does not provide them with the needed structure, they interpret her actions as trying to sabotage their efforts and set them up for failure. If this keeps going on for a while, some of them will fell frustrated and start thinking about quitting.
The fallacy of the Golden Rule in the workplace is well documented. Well-known executive coach Marshall Goldsmith warns that “if you manage your people the way you’d want to be managed, you’re forgetting: You’re not managing you!” So how can a leader go about treating his team members the way they want to be treated, not the way he likes to be treated?
In my previous blog, I talked about an exciting way to measure different aspects of the personality called the Birkman Method. This method provides an accurate view into a person’s usual behavior, needs, and stress behaviors, and can help in addressing the Golden Rule fallacy. Let me give you an example from my own report. Self-consciousness is one of nine Birkman components that together define how a person normally behaves, how she expect others to behave, and how she might behave when under stress. Self-consciousness refers to the use of sensitivity when communicating with others: how we talk to others and how aware we are of their sensitivities. A high score on this component refers to someone who is typically very tactful and always concerned about how his message is received by others. A low score on this component is typical of people who are viewed as direct and who are more concerned about delivering the contents of the message.
My “usual behavior” score on the self-consciousness component is 14 out of 100, thus indicating that I am usually candid and straightforward, and that I tend to deliver messages in a matter-of-fact way. Let’s assume that I am working with a team of five people, and three of these five have self-consciousness needs that are on the high end of the spectrum. These needs’ scores indicate that those team members expect others to choose their words carefully and they like to feel constantly encouraged and validated. If I treat them the way I like to be treated in a direct way, chances are that their needs will not be met and their stress behavior will manifest itself in being evasive, feeling uncomfortable and shrinking back and withdrawing.
However, if I am aware of my team members’ Birkman profiles and their needs, I can chose to adjust my communication style when dealing with those that have different needs than my usual behavior and treat them in a way that they like to be treated. Now that is a Platinum Rule that can set the team on its way to achievement and high performance.
Putting it All Together
Applying the Golden Rule of treating others like you want to be treated to leadership and workplace situations often results in frustration and stress. Instead, leaders should aim to understand how others prefer to be treated, and the Birkman Method of personality assessment is a great tool that can help achieve that.
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Dr. Amer Kaissi is a Professional Speaker, Executive Coach and an expert on Leadership, Humility & Ambition, Assuming Positive Intent, Psychological Safety & Accountability, Growth Mindsets & Resilience.
